Mother of a Teenage Daughter with AuDHD

Motherhood is not the same for everyone. When you have a teenage daughter with ADHD or AuDHD (ADHD plus autism) you may need to prepare for a completely different journey. In this blog, we’ll share insights from Letterlife users and mothers of ADHD teens, exploring common challenges and offering helpful tips.

The Challenges of Parenting Teenage Daughters with ADHD

Becoming a mother can be a journey filled with an equal amount of joys, challenges and worries.

And navigating the complexities of parenting a teen with ADHD can be both rewarding and daunting. It most definitely will require patience, empathy and resilience. 

Your goal should be to empower your daughter to navigate adolescence into adult life successfully.

Below we’ve collected some insights from Letterlife users and moms of ADHD teens.

It’s all about the challenges we face and offers tips to fellow moms in similar situations:

Emotional Rollercoaster
Emotional ups and downs often mark the teenage years and the hormonal changes. Suppose your teenager has AuDHD on top of this.
In that case, she may struggle with recognizing different emotions and regulating intense feelings. And also, handling mood swings, controlling impulsivity and differentiating her own sentiments from what others are experiencing.

Academic Struggles
AuDHD and the executive challenges that often go with it usually impact a teen’s ability to plan, focus, organize tasks and manage time effectively. That’s why academic challenges are more the rule than the exception. And that could cause great frustration and sinking self-esteem for both teens and parents.

Social Challenges
The teenage years are all about becoming more and more independent from your caregivers. Relations and social interactions between peers become increasingly important.

This is why the social challenges that often accompany ADHD and that is a core feature of autism, may be even more damaging for teens with AuDHD. 

They often struggle with impulse control, interrupting others, understanding or adhering to social codes or maintaining friendships. Factors that often affect their self-esteem. Also, difficulties expressing feelings or understanding consequences, frequently lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Independent Life
Given that problems with planning, prioritizing and staying organized are common in both ADHD and autism. Teens with AuDHD will often fall short of the crucial skills needed to establish daily routines and take on age-appropriate responsibilities.

Tips for Mothers of Teenage Daughters with ADHD

You are not alone! 

Many fellow moms raising AuDHD girls and teens are facing similar challenges, struggling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

And at the same time worrying about how the ADHD teen will manage this complex world all on her own, when you are not there to guard and shelter her. 

Here are some tips that other moms have shared and that have been helpful to them: 

Educate Yourself
Understanding ADHD beyond the male norm and the impact neurodiversity can have on teenage girls is a crucial first step to making sure you have the self-confidence and resilience to support your girl over time.

Knowledge is power.

Educate yourself about how ADHD symptoms can present in females. And how treatments might need to be adapted to fluctuating hormones and social expectations. Ultimately, you will have to pick and choose among a buffet of different treatment options to find the best strategies to support your daughter effectively.

Communication and Connection
Provide emotional support by listening to what your daughter is actually saying. Sometimes, when we get scared or are stressed out we tend to jump to conclusions about why others say or do the things they do. 

Foster open and honest communication by encouraging others to express feelings and concerns without judgment. That’s why the best emotional support and reassurance during challenging times might be to just shut up, listen and take in what your daughter tells you.

Your aim shouldn’t be to make all difficulties and challenges go away but rather to help your daughter build resilience and cope with stressful situations by developing positive coping mechanisms.

Create Routines and Realistic Expectations
Many challenges with ADHD across life will be difficulties in creating sustainable and healthy routines over time. 

– You can help your daughter by creating structured routines and schedules to help her manage time and tasks. As well as healthy lifestyle habits for diet, exercise and sleep. Don’t forget to offer the WHY? to the routines you suggest or create together. 
– Involve your daughter and use visual aids and reminders to reinforce the routines and increase the chances of success. 
– Help your daughter not get overexcited and set her goals too high. Or become obsessed with too strict routines. Again, the WHY? Healthy eating habits and physical activity shouldn’t be underestimated. 

Be patient and set mutual, realistic expectations for your daughter based on her unique abilities and vulnerabilities. And make sure you celebrate all the small victories and notice every step of progress to further reinforce your new routines.

Mother Self-Care
You are an incredibly important person in your daughter’s life – even though she probably doesn’t acknowledge this particularly often ;). The burden of protecting her and giving her the best possible conditions in life may weigh heavy on your shoulders. It’s not surprising if you doubt yourself and your strengths from time to time.

But remember to prioritize your own well-being. Taking time for self-care activities that recharge you physically and emotionally is not selfish but probably one of the best investments in your daughters’ well-being as well. 

Don’t underestimate how good it feels for your daughter to see you taking care of, and time for, yourself. In the end, this is something you wish for her as a healthy adult as well, right?

So, all fellow mothers of ADHD teens out there:

Let’s support each other in this shared experience of raising strong, capable daughters with ADHD! 

Together, we can empower them to thrive and reach their full potential.

❤️

Lotta Borg Skoglund

MD PhD & Letterlife Co-founder

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