I have ADHD today, too!

I admit it: I’m one of those people who lose library books and forget to pay the parking fee. And I’m quite convinced that I’ve already answered that message you sent me yesterday.  

I forget expensive food items in the back of my fridge until they are no longer edible. I lose focus in the middle of important meetings.

And most of the time I haven’t got a clue as to if I’ve already paid that bill or not. 

“The reason for this is spelled ADHD, and the solution is called acceptance.” 

Not that I’ve given up. 

Of course, I try to keep my life running smoothly; I make lists and cross them off. I put all library books on the same chair in the hallway (where they will eventually fall over). And I try to remember to pay all the bills, by come end of the month. 

I check my inbox now and again and open up messenger apps just to make sure. But I have made my peace with the fact that I just won’t succeed every time.

When I was younger, I would often get upset about messing up. I would feel worthless, crushed. 

Nowadays I’m fully prepared to pay another parking ticket for forgetting to press the ”start parking” -button (again).

Or pace into the library announcing to all and sundry that I’ve lost yet another book, due to it disappearing into thin air. But that it will possibly be found in about 8-10 years, whilst I am cleaning an unrelated area of my house. Or my neighbor’s house. 

These things are hard to predict. 

I know that from time to time I will be paying ADHD taxes in the form of payment reminders, late fees, forgotten discounts and so much more. 

“I keep repeating to myself that most of the time I get things right.” 

And no one gets to win at everything, every time. 

You see, I have ADHD. 

Missing things and forgetting stuff, all squares up with the difficulties associated with ADHD. It’s part of the signs and symptoms.

One diagnostic criterion of ADHD is having persistent challenges in the areas one struggles with. And to a degree much higher than other folks do. And if you don’t, the criteria say you don’t have ADHD. 

I struggle with keeping myself focused while performing routine tasks that don’t involve other people. And remembering what I did or didn’t do. A lot. 

I just need to think about paying a bill or calling a friend, and the next thing I know, my brain is convinced that I Did The Thing.

Yay me! Or not.

I had ADHD today, too. So I missed some stuff, despite trying really hard to succeed. 
I will have ADHD tomorrow as well. And so I will miss some other stuff tomorrow as well. 

It sucks, but I don’t fret too much about it, because that only eats up my – rather limited – energy.

“You see, I’d much rather put that energy into juggling everyday life.”

A task hard enough without carrying all of that self-inflicted guilt around. 

Did I mention I have ADHD? My everyday life requires some serious juggling. 

The fact that I sometimes drop a ball, or five, is just a natural effect of the thousands of everyday balls I consciously and actively have to keep in the air. In order to achieve anything at all. 

And when you spend all day, every day, juggling, you will eventually drop a couple of balls. 

I have ADHD. That’s just the way it is. I don’t get to choose being ”normal”.

But I do get to choose acceptance. Self-love. Worthiness.
And so, I do.

❤️

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